Why I refuse to conform to the iPhone way of life

I refuse to give in and move to the world of the iPhone. Yes, I do appreciate the advances in technology, blah, blah. I have an LG phone built on the Android platform; it is a touch screen. I see all the problems people are having with the iPhones and I am a little confused how Apple can keep releasing new, bigger and better versions of something that has yet to be perfected and people keep running out to buy a new one. "Oh, I can't wait to get my new 4S!" What does that even mean??? It is perplexing. I'm going to rundown through all the reasons why I refuse to move over to the iPhone.

Reason #1 Stated above. I am rebellious and refuse to do what everyone else is doing unless it actually suites me.

Reason #2 I am hard on phones. When I was being afforded a Blackberry by my employer, I had to bother the office manager on a bi-weekly basis to get me another one. These phones were more durable even than the iPhone but they still couldn't take much of the abuse I offer. The phone I have now has eaten pavement so many times that it really looks pathetic. It has been dropped from shoulder heights to the ground enough times that the battery cover automatically pops off and the battery goes in a separate direction from the other pieces of the phone. Let me tell you that it is fun to locate all of the pieces...in the rain....in a parking lot....under anonymous cars that you hope you are going to beat out of the parking spot while on the search. But, the phone keeps working. I imagine that as it flies out of my hand and starts the cart wheel toward the ground it thinks, "Oh, boy. Here we go again." Anyway. The point here is that it still works. Everyone I know is on the third, fourth, fifth, six or more replacement. Now, this wouldn't be too terrible IF they have insurance on the phone and have to pay a minimal fee for replacement. From what I understand, Apple has only recently begun to offer insurance and it won't cover phones purchased before X date. People are still buying the damn things. I'm not sure what the terms are of the insurance because I am so anti-iPhone. I am willing to bet it isn't a minimal charge of a few bucks a month and a minimal ($50-80) deductible to replace. You know why? Because they break all the time!!!!

Reason #3 Autocorrect. Need I say anymore? Everyone I know on the iPhone band wagon has shocked and surprised me with the texts I have received. For instance...My sister texts me "Hey," her smarty pants iPhone thinks it best to autocorrect it to "Gassy." How the hell does that happen? In what dictionary do those two words even slightly resemble one another. I bet they aren't even synonymous in the Urban Dictionary. Another example of autocorrect at its finest: a dear friend of mine that is expecting. I sent her a picture of dilled green beans that were purchased at the Great Big Texas Home Show over the weekend. See, we learned of these fabulous green beans in a Bloody Mary some time ago. I hate olives in a Bloody Mary and have never understand why they are thought to compliment the drink. Well, autocorrect messaged me back that she would love a closet Mary when the time comes. ??? What? Example number three: a new mommy acquaintance. She and I were texting back and forth about me offering to cart her boy to soccer practice with Little Mister. I told her that I offer because her boy is so adorable. She replies back with a lengthy text that began with "Asses..." ??? Really? She was embarrassed and replied back her disdain with autocorrect and apologized for the phone causing her to curse at someone she had only met one time. I have been known to curse like a sailor so this wasn't offensive to me; I simply felt uncomfortable with the awkwardness of the moment. Thanks, Apple. I understand that if I had an iPhone I could just screen print the conversation and paste it here. How lazy. I'd rather tell the story than just paste a private conversation.

Reason #4 My Mom (and others) butt dial me constantly. Now, I am not sure if this is user error or the fault of the iPhone but I am blaming Apple. I get all excited that someone is calling me and answer the phone with my enthusiastic, "Hello!" What do I hear in the background? Well, it goes two ways. Either I hear the shuffling of material against the phone speaker or I hear everything in the background like a fly on the wall. In some cases this might actually turn out advantageous but it isn't supposed to be! So, Apple really should work on the locking "app" or some such on their little phones.

Reason #5 The "updates" are severely flawed. I am just about sick and tired of seeing posts on the social networking sites that are along the lines of "please message me your number. I updated my phone and lost all my contacts." WHAT? How is this helpful and what, exactly, was fixed that wasn't broken to begin with that, in turn, broke the phone?

I just don't get the fascination with a phone that costs upward and over a couple hundred bucks. The insurance sucks. The phone will break; God forbid you have a case of fumble fingers and drop it one time. I am sick of having uncomfortable moments with people over autocorrect typos and last of all, I am tired of being called from the location of some one's ass. That's it for my rant today. Stay tuned....