Have you wondered?

I have felt so neglectful. I haven't written here. I haven't been very active with my Facebook fan page. I haven't been an 'A' student lately. What have I been doing? Well, I started a new job that is really fantastic! I dropped my pay by about  50% of what I am used to, moved in with my Mom and moved back across the metroplex. Sounds kinda....like a bad idea, doesn't it? Well, it has been one of the best things I have done in my life to date. This job I took is absolutely amazing. The people there are awesome and they think I am, too. Pretty cool. Since I moved in with Mom, bills have pretty well ceased and I can afford to make less money and send Little Mister to a stellar Pre-K for my last chance of preparing him for the real world and career of school.

As life has changed, there have been a lot of things to get accustomed to. I never thought I would have an hour to and an hour from commute again but there it is. I am so lucky to have the sister and nephew that I have. Pretty ironic that as they moved out of Mom's, we moved in. So, they are living really near my work place and we spend a couple of nights a week there to break up the monotony of the drive and schedule. So, all in all, it is all working out splendidly.

It has taken a few months to get used to not having our own life, so to speak, but this really does feel surprisingly better now that I'm used to it. I've set new goals and am preparing for the future. I often wonder how many times one person can start over and I guess that is what is fantastic about life. As long as you are breathing and thinking, you have the opportunity to reinvent yourself as many times as you would like! Some people have judged me as being flighty or spastic or irresponsible. I thumb my nose at them and pat myself on the back for never being afraid to try to do anything. If the worst thing that can happen is that I fail and have to try something else, so be it. I know, without a doubt, that I will never look back and regret that I didn't try something. I will never look back and wish that I had. I will never look back and wonder what if. I give everything my best and if my best isn't good enough there, it will be better applied some where else. I feel that this holds true for every aspect of life. Some people do flourish with consistency and consistent effort and doing the same thing every day. It does work for some. I'm just not one of those people. I've never really had a plan other than to live and enjoy life hoping that I stumble on some mild success along the way. So, I know what all I have accomplished thus far in life and I know that I will have more successes as life continues on.

I am pretty certain that I will never win the lottery, you know, wake up rich but I have enough things planted out there that I just might have a tremendous harvest one day. Even if I never have a pocket full of money, I know that my heart is happy and that is priceless.

My words to you today are to be true to yourself. Never be afraid to shake things up. It is true that even the best laid plans might not work out but never give up. Dig your heels back in and you will cross a finish line. It may never be the one you imagined but sometimes what you find is better than anything you ever could have planned for. Don't be afraid to reinvent yourself. I know I've told you all that before. It takes courage and strength to do it but we all have it inside, we just have to let it out. Stay tuned....

The only thing consistent in life is inconsistency.

Do you ever get the feeling that you need to just word vomit and get stuff out of your head? Yeah, well, I do. I've been mulling over a lot the last several weeks. I feel like I can't even vent here now. I know of a couple of people, at least, that are watching what I do and what I say and figuring ways to hold it against me. I figure that my safest path is silence. I definitely don't like the feeling of being censured. Many of you have been following what I say for a few months now and it makes me feel pretty cool to know what I say is appreciated enough to be read by at least a few.

This year has been pretty tumultuous. I've had more opportunities than I ever dreamed would be availed to me. I have enjoyed the absolute freedom of making decisions based on want not necessity. Yes, there were some things that HAD to be done just like always happens but I feel so incredibly lucky to have had the chance to try different things out. Here I am many months later with a book being published, a son starting pre-k, a family that is there for me no matter what, a perfect job and some of the best friends (new and old) I could have ever dreamt of.

As I tell you all of this and try to find the silver lining that I always manage to find, I feel these dark shadows beginning to envelop me. As you know, I spend a lot of time self-reflecting and I can't exactly figure out where this darkness is rooting or where it originated. Have things gone just as I always planned? Uh, no. They never seem to. I have learned through the years how to embrace the good moments even if the final product doesn't turn out just as imagined. If I allow myself to dwell on the negative, I feel myself falling into a realm of despair. I'm not going to do it. I refuse. I just need to take some time to come to grips with what is, what was, what will never be. I need to dig my heels in and turn the corner of this new path I am on.

I guess I want you all to know that if you ever do feel hopeless, it happens to all of us at some point or another. Just remember you're not alone. I forgot how much energy a full-time job takes from your being, too. This has been one hard adjustment! I, honestly, don't know if I will ever get "used" to it.

I will still dream of the day that my days are mine. I will still dream of the days that I live in the mountains and spend my days writing novels. It can happen. Stay tuned....

You know you want to.

Greetings and salutations!!! It has been a busy summer. I feel like I need to get an update out there about what has been going on. The book I accidentally wrote earlier this year is ready for preorder sales! Look below for the link to purchase your limited, first edition that will be numbered and signed by the author (me). The coolest thing is that it will be a collector's item. So click the linky link and get yours ordered.

http://inkwellproductions.com/shamed.htm

A good friend of mine also made this cool trailer to help with the book. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GpXPLFq3NY&feature=youtu.be&noredirect=1

It has been an amazing summer. I have had a lot of time with friends and family. It has been awesome getting to spend time with Little Mister and hang out with his cousin. Yeah, there have been some things that have not been super BUT there have been numerous opportunities to grow and learn.

I am getting comfortable with a new place in life. I'm still not exactly sure where it is going, but I am fully on board for the ride. I always knew that I had a writing gene in me. I am oh so thankful to have had the opportunity to finally pursue that dream. I have been ridiculed by a few and supported by many. I don't know if this first book (and the sequel in progress) are my final place as far as genre goes, but it is a start. I think over the careers of some of my idols, Stephen King and Anne Rice particularly, and I don't think my start is too far off. You all know that I believe in dreams and dreaming things into existence. It is possible. Who knows? I could be big stuff one day! And to think, I got my start writing romance. Ha! I really hope you all buy this book. I'm thinking the sequel will be out sooner than later and hopefully I have managed to attract an audience!

Keep dreaming and stay tuned....

Some of my Favorite Things Part 1

It seems like we spend a lot of time talking and thinking about the things we like the least. I wanted to take a minute to think and talk about some of my favorite things. Attitude is all about what you allow yourself to think about. Right?

#1 Little Mister's 3rd Birthday

So far this was the best party I have thrown for him. I mean, every year is pretty good but this one was one I will have a hard time topping. The cake above is almost identical to the one we had.

The gymnasium Starbus made a visit to our party at Love Street Park. The kids were super excited to play on the bus that has been set up specifically for gymnastics. Little Mister was acquainted with the bus through the awesome pre school he was attending at the time.

The Starbus was followed by the coolest ice cream truck you've ever seen compliments of Juliebean's Ice Cream. Yes, we successfully monopolized almost the whole park for the couple of hours that both buses were there.

There were a bunch of people there. It was our best turn out to date. My Mom and Dad were there. It was the first time in over 15 years they were in the same place at the same time. My sister was there with my nephew. It was just, hands down, one of the best birthday memories ever.

I usually take the easier way out and have the party at a place that does the party for you. You know, like Chuck E. Cheese or something. Gag. I felt inspired to put the entire party together myself and I did. The balloons were perfect. The cake was perfect. The decorations were perfect. The April weather was perfect. All the kiddos there were perfect. The gifts he opened with enthusiasm were perfect. It was awesome.

So, this piece is the beginning of a series of posts for me. I'm going to tell you about some more of my favorite things and memories over the next several days. I hope this inspires you all to think about the good and let go of the bad. Replace negative thoughts with happy ones. Keep dreaming!! Stay tuned....

Another Award? For me? No way!

This awesome award bestowed on my by Food Thoughts of a Chef Wannabe really appeals to my vanity. You know, I started this blog and everything that, as it turns out, go with it just because I really had nothing better to do. Who knew I would enjoy it so immensely? Who knew I would make such great friends? So thank you Food Thoughts of a Chef Wannabe for bestowing the award on me.

Well, on to the award. It is an honor for a fellow blogger to recognize and appreciate the efforts put forth in this venue. You know, it is somewhat like having your diary published and when someone tells you that it IS worth reading it feels pretty darn good.

Now, these awards are NOT given for free. That's for sure. There is a short list of things that one must do to be in compliance and not have the award revoked.

1. Thank and link back to the awarding blog.

2. Answer Seven Questions

3. Provide Ten Random Facts about Yourself

4. Award seven other deserving bloggers

#1 What is your favorite song?



Just one? It is impossible for me to pick just one song. I love music. I love

every genre. Every artist has something special to offer. Okay. The one that has been very relevant right now is this GoTye Somebody That I Used To Know. Such a sad, sad song.

#2 What's your favorite dessert?

Really? Just one? Okay. I'm a bread/pastry sucker. Give me a piece of cake, any cake, and I'm happier than a pig in you know what. Do donuts count as dessert? I guess not since they're served for breakfast.

#3 What do you do when you are upset?

Huh. This is a difficult one. It all depends on the situation, the circumstances and the people involved. The short answer? I yell. I am a yeller. For some reason, I think higher volume gets the point across better. So, when I am upset, I tend to curse (a lot) and yell. If I am REALLY, REALLY upset, I shut down. There is no conversation to be had. I got nothin if I am beyond pissed.

#4 What is your favorite pet?

I love pets. There isn't a loyalty or unconditional love that compares to the love between a pet and person. I think that I have acted responsibly on this topic. I have chosen to not have a pet because I don't think I can offer a proper home for one. I know that I stay busy enough that neglect might even be an issue. Once I buy Little Mister a house and things get more settled, I would love for us to have an addition to the family. I'm crossing my fingers that he wants a pup.

#5 Which do you prefer, white or wheat?

It matters not. See question #2. I love bread. My hips don't thank me but that is a fact.

#6 What is your biggest fear?

Gosh. I have so many. Yeah, I know. I'm all bad ass and everything. I'm not supposed to be scared of anything. Well, I am. I guess topping that list is death. No, I'm not scared of the process or leaving earth. I am scared that I will leave my precious son without his Mom.

#7 What is your attitude mostly?

Hmmm...is this a trick question? My attitude changes by the seconds in an hour and hours in a day. Sometimes I think I should be medicated but mostly I just embrace it. I feel deeply and have emotions. That's me. Most days I am positive and find the silver lining in any situation.

10 Random Facts About Me

1. I have never had a cavity

2. I just discovered that I LOVE birthday cake ice cream with marshmallow creme

3. I like to pop zits

4. I have tweezed my eyebrows since I was about 12 and have waxed them for 12 years. If I didn't, I would have a unibrow.

5. Braveheart is one of my most favorite movies.

6. I learned how to kiss by kissing myself...in the mirror.

7. I gave my son a middle name to rhyme with mine and my mother's.

8. I have loved a lot but only been in love once.

9. My second toe is really long.

10. I have freckles.

The rules say I have to pass this award on to seven other bloggers so here it goes! I have nominated friends for awards but I am going to use this opportunity to spot light some people that I don't know well but want to get better acquainted with.

1. Diary of a Mad Woman - Now I just discovered this one. She is very real and has been through some real shit. What I have read so far I have really enjoyed. Let's learn more about her together!

2. Mayor Gia - I discovered Gia when I first started. She's wicked funny and draws some great illustrations to go with her blogging.

3. I Want A Dumpster Baby - This lady has had some serious struggles in her life, too. I love that she is so open with her experiences and has maintained a superb sense of humor. She cracks me up and you will love her.

4. Mommy Unplugged - She is real. Period. And hilarious!

5. The Lucky Mom - We've chatted a few times. She is a sharer or wisdom, philosophy and jokes.

6. Put on Your Big Girl Panties - This lady has been very kind to me on several occasions. No matter how busy she is, she always takes the time to return a hello. Plus, she's a riot. Oh and she loves vintage pin ups!

7. My Group Therapy - I think the name gives you a good starting point. Material definitely worth reading.

Thank you again FoodThoughtsOfaChefWannabe for the award! It was a fun assignment.

And that's it for me, gang. You know the drill. Stay tuned....



A Family Divided

My Grandmother passed away last week. She lived a long life. She would have turned 98 this summer...the day before my birthday. You know, I really felt 'okay' with her passing. I mean, geez. She lived a freakin long life! I held it together pretty well until after the rosary and then completely fell apart after the service. There were so many feelings of sadness. How I will miss my Grandma, let me count the ways.

Jason Aldean's "Dirt Road Anthem" will forever have the memory of the funeral procession to the grave site for me. As we drove through the town, all I kept thinking was I will never come here to see her again. All the memories that I have carried with me and thought about over the entire course of my life will have no new ones added. Ever again. I have been so blessed to not have to experience the loss of a loved one that was so close to my heart. I did at age four and somehow managed to callous myself to loss until now. I honestly think I suffered a small amount of PTSD. I couldn't keep my thoughts together. I spent the rest of the time away and through the beginning of the next week to sort through my feelings.

The one thing I was extraordinarily thankful for was that everyone had come together. Even though the one, true commonality we all had was the connection of blood lines, we were all there. It was fantastic to see faces I hadn't seen in far too long. I also actually got to meet relatives I had never known before. Then came another wave of sadness for me.

We were all at the service together, but we weren't together. I know every family has their ups and downs and sometimes it is impossible to all be on the same page. I thought that this one time, to celebrate the life of a woman that we all loved, we would really be together. In one place. At one time. It didn't happen. I always thought that it was just distance that kept us all apart. Was it?

I'm sure there are stories and hurts that I don't even know about but, damn, I didn't really love spending my time there driving from place to place to make sure we at least saw everyone there. Why couldn't we all be in one place? Why couldn't we pull our family together to celebrate this life? Why couldn't love and kindness prevail just this one time?

What I did discover is that we are all more alike than any of us want to admit. Any time I have heard something not so complimentary about anyone over the years, I let it go in one ear and out the other. What I discovered while I was there was that we are all the same to some degree or another. We all hold grudges. We are all judgemental. Maybe I'm just getting wise in my adult age (I somewhat doubt that) but it just seems like even after almost a century of life, life is too short. There is never time to right all the wrongs. There is never time to be all we want to be. There is never time to love everyone we should. So, the lesson I took away from all of this is that life is too short to hold on to anger and resentment. I never want to be that person again. I never want anyone to look at me or talk to me and feel that I have held onto bad feelings. I never want anyone to wonder if I love them when they should KNOW I do.

As I looked at all of the aging faces, mine included, I realized that it was the last time I would ever see many of them. I tried to hug enough. I tried to smile enough. I tried to chat enough. I tried to feel whole even with holes gaping in my soul. It was pretty hard to walk away from this reunion of sorts feeling good about being in a family divided; knowing there is nothing I could ever do to bring them all back together.

Four things I have learned...

Many of you might know that I found myself unemployed at the end of January this year...for the second time. I was let go from the previous position in September of last year as a victim of a decrease in work force. Even during the tumultuous times of our economy, I didn't worry either time. I am actually thankful that I have had the last several months to think and reflect and weigh different options. For the first time in my life, I have had the opportunity to pursue things I really WANT to do. I haven't been so stretched thin, financially, that I had to hurry up and get another job. It has been pretty nice, actually. So, I wanted to share with all of you four things that I have learned over the last, almost, four months.

1. I have learned to NOT worry about money.
This is a very strange concept for me. I have ALWAYS worried about money. This is a subject that has created MANY sleepless nights for me. Am I going to be able to pay the bills? Will I be able to buy groceries? What am I going to do if I don't have enough money? You get it, right? Well, when one finds one's self without a method of earning money, this should be the TOP of the worry list. Strangely, I have learned that expending that energy doesn't accomplish anything. Worry never earned a dollar. What I CAN tell you is that faith and hope is enough to keep you afloat. Not everyone believes in God and I am sensitive to that. However, He is who I thank for the peace of mind and having enough. I have had enough to not give up anything in my life over the last several months because I have enough. I know, with absolute certainty, that the right things happen when the timing is right.

Don't worry about money. Just be smarter with it when you have it!

2. It is possible to teach a mature dog new tricks.

I know. I'm not an "old" dog. The fact remains that it DOES get harder to learn completely new things as you get older. I remember being a smart ass eighteen year old and getting so frustrated with the older generation for not being able to aptly use a computer. It wasn't that I was smarter. I just had a still developing brain and that meant that new concepts weren't lost on me. It is a fact that the brain is completely developed at age 25 and the age of the "sponge" is over. It is also proven that the brain, like other organs, gets older and isn't as strong or responsive as it was. I think it is a terrific accomplishment for adults to change careers and learn an entirely new trade. I've been undergoing exactly that challenge. I have not achieved fully realized success as of yet but I am going to. No, it has not been as easy as it was ten years ago to learn. I have to do all kinds of new things to trick my mind into remembering details. I have calendars galore to remember dates and appointments. I didn't use to have to do that. The point here is, don't sell yourself short, you CAN learn new stuff. You just have to take a different approach to it than you previously have.

You CAN learn; it just takes a new approach.



3. Facebook is therapy for so many.

I have realized that the entertainment provided on Facebook is therapeutic to so many people. There is more to it than just keeping up with people and stalking people. I have had a profile on there for years and never really did much with it. I have discovered over the last several months that it really is a world of it's own. I have found people that created their own pages for entertainment, to vent, to be themselves and they all have a following of fans that relate. How wonderful is that? And to think, the only cost is related to providing yourself an Internet connection. Amazing. I have made a bunch of really awesome friends in the process and introduced them all to each other. It is fun. I feel like I owe it to the people that have taken the time to enjoy my efforts to keep entertaining. I have also found that this is the attitude of the others that have taken on this lifestyle as well. I hope that if one of us offers a smile or a relative story to someone that desperately needs it, we have made a difference.

4. I have learned that I CAN do anything.

I remember being a kid and my Dad always telling me I could be and do whatever I ever wanted. Why did it take me over thirty years to understand this? I was told the other day that "energy is wasted on youth." I tend to agree with this statement. There is so much that I want to do still and now my energy is not what it once was. However, along with this new wisdom, I am better at managing that energy and putting it toward the "right" things. As most of you know, I wrote a book. Yeah. I did. I sat down and wrote a flipping book! I am working on a new career. There is still a lot of work to be done on both but they are progressing....slower than I would like but the completion is up to me. The point is, no matter your age or circumstances, don't sell yourself short. You CAN do anything with the right amount of effort.





On that note, I will tell you farewell for now. I hope that you all take the time to listen to your heart, have faith, keep hoping, keep dreaming, keep working and stop worrying. Remember, worry never earned a dollar. Much love to all of you. If you don't believe in yourself, I will believe in you! That's all for now. Stay tuned....





Who I want to meet....

As you all know, "celebrities" kind of leave a mark on me. No, it isn't like I read all the trash mags and want to live through them. I am always more concerned with what makes people who they are. I want to know people's stories. I've been keeping up with the headlines and reading about E L James. She sounds like the coolest lady. I don't want to meet her with a goofy grin on my face unable to form words nor do I want to interview her like a journalist. I want to sit and have coffee with her and hear her story.

I have requested her book for Mother's Day. You know I can't really spend money on myself for frivolities. Never really been able to do that and now I really can't with a clear conscience because I'd rather spend that "extra" money (on gas!) on my son or to spend time with friends and family. I am not intrigued by the subject matter as much as I want to know her writing voice. 50 Shades of Grey IS the hottest thing out right now in the world of literary works. I am so excited for her even if she isn't just over the moon about all of this wild success. Some of the best things in life are just happy accidents.

For someone that has written a book, I don't read like I should. Everyone keeps telling me to read, read, read. Well, guess what? (I never know whether to punctuate that with a question mark or what. It really isn't a question and it is rhetorical anyway.) Now that I've been told to do it, it is soooo hard for me to want to. I have been this way my entire life. Tell me to do something and I ain't gonna be able to do it. Never tell me I must and it will be done seventy five times over. I really do only want to read this trilogy to see what her writing voice sounds like!

I have learned that you can read into someone just by listening or by reading, whichever may be the case. With this Facebook fan page of mine, I have been afforded the opportunity to get to know so many people that I never would have known otherwise. I find myself trying to figure out their story through the voice I hear in their posts. I probably should have done some sort of psychology work but then it would be what I HAVE to do and not from the heart. At least that's the story I am going to stick to.

Among those people, I have conversed with some great authors. I say they are great because they did it. They stepped out of their comfort zone and published a book which can be one of the most private things...like even more private than the color of your underwear. At any rate. I'm going to move forward with my writing and all the new friends I have made. I just thought I would let y'all know that this woman should definitely be friends with me. Stay tuned.....

Is it all coming together?

That. Right there. Yes, that picture. That is how the inside of my head feels right now. I am trying, desperately, to maintain focus. "Eye on the prize..."

See? I find this terribly difficult right now because I feel like I'm running three different races at the same freakin' time. Last I checked, we still had not perfected cloning so I don't see how that is possible. I am exhausted. I've tried to back up and regroup to slow things down a little but the effort is futile. No matter what I do, I am still pulling myself in a million directions and am working with the end in mind for each endeavor. So, I'm just trying to concentrate on what is done and what the next step for each is.

Big news...I got the cover art for the book in this morning! The book is no longer just a thought or a dream. It. Is. Real. Advertisement will start in July and it will be released in October. Holy shit. Yeah.

Met with my manager today on the other deal. I will be a fully employed and licensed financial advisor by June. Holy shit, again.

The other school situation is still on-going. Still on course to have an MBA in July of 2013.

My Facebook fan page is creeping up on 3,000 people. That's really cool, too. Go see it... www.facebook.com/whatinsidevoice


Well, those are quick updates on what is going on with me. I'm here to remind you that perseverance is key. Keep dreaming. It can come true! Stay tuned....

CHEESE!

Hahaha...THE END.

Just kidding.

Yes, that is me. I had laser teeth whitening for the first time today. It seemed to do some good. I just thought that the picture perfect moment before we began was too awesome to pass up.

I went to Smiling Bright in Fort Worth, TX. I have wanted to do this but didn't really want to fork out the cash to pay for it. I found a deal on Living Social and couldn't pass it up. When I Googled the company name, it appears that there are still good deals out there. I've heard some people to be wary if you have sensitive teeth. I guess I don't because there has been no pain. My smile is about six shades whiter than when the process began this afternoon. I was so impressed that I made a second appointment two weeks from now. One fan said that I needed to be careful because my teeth might get darker after they rehydrate. I will report on what happens between now and my second visit.

So, what else have I been up to while neglecting my blog. Gosh. I've been really busy!! I know, we all are. I've been trying to stay caught up on this new career I am trying to embark on. Littly, tiny roadblocks keep popping up, but I will navigate around them! Now, if I could just get my brain unscrambled to get organized, I would be 100% better off.

I've been writing some. I am less than 9,000 words away from hitting my goal of 50K. Just need to get it done.... I'M WORKING ON IT! : )

My other school is kicking my butt, too. Halfway through this class.

You know who I've been thinking about lately? Heath Ledger. I miss his face on the big screen. Here is my favorite look for him.

My little home has been a source of neglect lately, too. So, I have to run and get some laundry done. Don't forget to keep dreaming. Success is found OUTSIDE of the comfort zone. Stay tuned.....

Most missed sporting venue

Do you guys know what that place is? That was Texas Stadium. I can't believe it has been two years since it was "removed" from existence. I know the picture is kind of bad but it means something to me. That huge building was a mainstay, a landmark. I couldn't tell you how many times directions started with, "Go East when you get to Texas Stadium." You could see it from all of the surrounding highways. It was a piece of DFW history. At least for me it was. In Dallas, all building demolitions take place at the crack of dawn, 6 a.m. to be exact, on Sundays. The demolition of Texas Stadium was a big damn deal. People that had homes or office buildings in view of the stadium threw parties that started at 5 a.m. It was like nothing I've ever done at that ungodly hour of a Sunday morning!

So, a big group of us convened at a subcontractor's office for Screwdrivers, Bloody Mary's and breakfast pastries to await the big moment. It was pretty exciting. I had never seen dynamite blasts before!

Since Kraft sponsored the entire event or paid for the demo, I don't know which way it went, the orange fireworks started right as the sun was beginning to crest the horizon. You know, that magical moment between dark and light. It was beautiful.

After about ten minutes of fireworks and the suns actual rising, the preparations were made for taking the building down. As the fireworks ended, people for miles and miles began to cheer. All was quiet and then there was this weird "boom, boom, boom" in the background. It was a blast but it was like a warning that the blast was coming. Then, there was an incredible explosion. The ground shook. The first section of the stadium started to crumble.

I had no idea that I would be such a girl. All the events that I had been to, all the concerts, all the championship football games and Cowboy games. All the nostalgia that I felt for ole girl came pouring out of me. I had absolutely no idea that I had such a stupid attachment to that place. I remembered times with friends, times with family, Leon Lett and the snow storm fiasco on Thanksgiving. So many memories that I never thought I thought about until the stadium came down.

I suppose I could have looked at as a "glass half full" kind of event but as I get older, I am less accepting of change. Keep my landmarks and monuments of nostalgia where they belong.

And like that, the place was gone. Nothing more than a dusty hole in the ground with a few remaining pieces that were stubborn enough not to fall with the dynamite.

I drive by where Texas Stadium used to be and no one would ever know. The legacy of the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Stadium will be completely lost once my generation is gone. That's so sad to me. Texas is the state that is built by football. Ask anyone. We teach our boys about football starting at the earliest age because they will be expected to play. I have always thought it was kind of weird but, apparently, I haven't been exempt from the feeling. I was in Dallas the other day and thought that the anniversary of her death had to be close and I was right. So, I salute you ole girl. There will never be another Texas Stadium.

Liebster Blog Award Nomination

Wow! I am flattered and surprised! Overworked Supermom and I recently became aquainted through blogging and Facebook. I am honored by this nomination. She and I have Texas in common. Even if it is a BIG state, being residents automatically creates a synergy between us. So, I thank her for her nomination. Really.

I am still so new to all of this, I hardly know where to begin! <catches breath> So, I do have five fellow bloggers that I would like to recognize. Ah, it is hard to narrow it down to just five. There are so many talented, kind and funny ladies out there! Okay, okay. Here are my five.

1. You Know It Happens at Your House Too
I met her on Facebook. She was the first to take me under her wing and show me what pimpin is all about. LOL. She is a hoot. I admire her life with Farmer Bob and the children. I admire her devout love for Johnny Depp, too. She takes care of her own and manages to find enough compassion to care for us "newbies" out there, too. She's hilarious.

2. Erin Michael Silversmith/Visual Artist
I have known Erin for quite a while...some where in the neighborhood of ten years. I ventured out with her during a mass exodus at a previous employer. I took the easy way and went and got myself another J-O-B. Erin has kept on with her pursuits and has achieved some noteable success. She recently made earrings for Drew Barrymore via The Artisan Group. She has been a huge motivator for me to write and I think she is proud now.

3. Megans Munchies
Now, Megan and I go way, way back. Like back to the plaid skirt days. Meaning we went to Catholic School together a million years ago. We have been in and out of contact the last several years and our life paths are finally colliding again. She bakes like no one I have ever known and still looks like a damned Barbie. She's the girl you just love; never hate. She is as sweet as the sprinkles on her cupcakes.

4. The Illiterate Literarian
She and I go back to the times of high school. You know, when life was REALLY hard. LOL. I guess in retrospect, we have both realized that the era where we met was the beginning of the adult lives we would soon embark on. She and I started chatting on Facebook a few weeks ago...make the long story short, we both are writing books. She is WAY ahead of me but she is the inspiration for my song actually being sung. Had it not been for that conversation one Thursday afternoon via Facebook IM, I might not ever started writing eventhough Erin (and others) have been telling me to for a decade.

5. Frugalista Blog
She and I have just met like days ago. She is funny. I love her stuff. She has the same sense of humor I do. I can't wait to keep up with her and get to know her better. How can you not love someone that considers themselves "cliche and unexpected at the same time." I really want to see her driving her minivan with big Jackie O sunglasses on.

Now that I feel all sentimental and appreciated and noticed, I will pass on the nominations to ladies I love and ladies I am growing to love more every day!



How the Liebster Blog Award works:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.

2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.

3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.

4. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 lesser-known blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and give a little blurb about why you chose each blog.

5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

Try, try, try again!

Well, today marks my first failure in quite some time. I had to score 70% and
i made 68%. Yes, a very colorful string of magnificent curse words followed the discovery that I did not pass the licensing exam today. I have to tell you this, I have never, I mean ever had to really study. I studied my ass off and took practice test after practice test. Over the span of the last week, I have lived, breathed and ate this material. I know I don't "know" it but I thought surely I know enough to pass the effin test! I consistently scored barely passing on the practice tests last night. Alas, with way too little sleep, I did not, in fact, pass the test. I'm going to spend some time coming up with a new strategy with the trainer tomorrow but I know what I need to do. I just need to study some more. I'll probably take the test again in a couple of weeks and pass but for today, I'm pissed and just want to be mad.

While I am busy being mad, I have come up with an easy list of things that lead to success.

1. Do not give up!
Those that know me know that in the light of failing a test, I usually would throw in the towel and give up. Not this time. I have too much time and energy invested in this to give up. It will just take a little more time and a little more energy and I will be where I need to be. So, don't forget that. The only way to have success is to not give up!

2. Stay positive
Everyone knows this but it is hard to be positive when you feel like you've just had the wind knocked out of you. Am I right? My head is pounding and my brain is completely saturated. I'm going to relax the rest of the day and get back up tomorrow.

3. Laugh
I am finding that this list is actually an action plan and laughing follows the other two. I plan to make a lot of fun of myself to get to the next point. I am kind of limited with the jokes here on the blog but I am constantly posting new jokes and have tons of hilarious friends over on my Facebook fan page. If you haven't already been there, come on over to my place. I'll introduce you and we can share some margaritas.

www.facebook.com/whatinsidevoice.com

4. Stay Organized

This is actually important in every facet of life. It's so funny how often I will get to feeling overwhelmed with everything I want to do and everything I HAVE to do in a day's time. I did buy myself a planner to keep track of the time in a day. It has helped tremendously. I've even penciled in time for a nap every day. It is amazing how things just seem so out of control but when you write it down, and see what the day is, it really in manageable!

5. Keep learning

After the experience of the last couple of weeks, I have discovered that it is possible to teach an older dog new tricks. I have spent the last five years in school to refine a skill set that I already have. The stuff I am working on now is so new and foreign that I feel like I am in 8th grade learning about anatomy for the first time again. It is crazy to me that the English language can sound so different and words have such different meanings that it is like learning a completely new language entering a new industry. I advise that you don't let that get in the way. You can learn something new. I am finding myself starting to apply stuff that I've been learning in every day conversation. I had just decided (prior to now) that it wasn't possible for my brain to retain anything completely new. i was wrong.

Well, this writing event was good for me. I needed to see in black and white what my attitude needs to be to achieve the success I am striving for. The first steps are all in place and it is up to me to get to the next level. I'm going to dig my heels in and cross that finish line. So, I'll be in touch. Stay tuned....

Why can't you see me? (A mediocre poem)

Photo credit here

Why can't you see me
as I cry?

Why can't you see me
with no one to stand by?

Why can't you see me
when I try to find my way?

Why can't you see me
make it through the day?

I struggle on my own with getting older.
I try and try to make believe I have grown bolder.

I weep into my pillow or don't sleep at all.
So afraid that this fragile empire will fall.

I fear the unknown but take leaps of faith.
What else is life if you just sit and wait?

My house is made with shards of glass
one wrong move and I'm going to lose my ass.

I see new lines on my face
Grey hairs cropping up all over the place.

Why can't you see me
my intentions are real?

Why can't you see me
my heart has always been there to steal?

Why can't you see me
I try to push you away?

Why can't you see me
unpredictable enthusiasm in every way?

I make decisions sometimes in haste.
Life is for living not to go to waste.

We all make mistakes, that is for sure.
I swear on everything, my heart is pure.

I want to trust and be trusted in return.
The bad thoughts and memories continue to churn.

My mind is full of voices
they all give different choices.

Why can't you see me sitting here all alone?

Stormy Spring in Texas

That's nice. I had this whole page almost filled but, somehow, deleted everything. Fantastic.

So, today was pretty crazy, right? I didn't even know that there were storms in the forecast. Thankfully, I already had rainy day hair. Due to the persistent light drizzle this morning, I decided to fore go styling the mountain of frizz on the top of my head. I just had a big "meh" moment and went on with life.

As the lunch hour came to an end and people were returning, I hear a female voice say, "Yeah. I heard a tornado touched down in Cleburne. Like, Johnson County?" Dear God! I jumped up from my seat, stammering, "That's where my son is!" I call his little school and spoke with a fairly calm but nervous sounding young lady. I told her who I was and asked if everything was okay. The response I got was a little disconcerting. "Yep. We are taking cover again. We will have to call you back." I could hear in the tone of her voice she was just trying not to alarm any of the kids but she definitely sounded scared. I hung up the phone and just wondered what in the world I could do over an hour away... This is one of the reasons that I never want to be that far from him during the day. I mean, I know there really wasn't anything I could do but if I had been there, I could have hugged and soothed him. Well, the soothing would have been more for me than him. You get what I'm saying. See, storms and I have a long history and I am scared to death of the weather. As a child, I got to ride in the car trying to outrun a tornado, we had several tornadic storms when I was in elementary school. I almost drowned in my car following a torrential down pour. The snow collapsed a car port on top of my car and last year my family and I lived through the worst "hail" storm I have ever been around. It sounded like a freaking freight train was trying to come through the roof. I just don't trust that witch, Mother Nature. The unpredictability of the storms we have here is just too much for me. From early March through the entire summer, I am a bundle of nerves. So, my point now is this: we all need to keep the residents of North Texas in our thoughts and prayers. I refused to pay attention to the news once I confirmed that all was well with my boy. Watching the news when I got home, I discovered that Dallas, Lancaster, Arlington, Forney and several other counties experienced loss and/or injury. It makes me sad and I know that none of us are immune. Oh, how I hate the Texas storms.

Won't you be my neighbor?

I would like to celebrate Mister Rogers as our most missed celeb today. He was a welcome visitor after school for many, many years. However, I was always a little creeped out by that one puppet in make believe land. I can't remember her name. At any rate. He was a part of many childhoods when things were simple. I wish our generation of children would get to involve his little cardigan sweaters and shoe changing into their lives, too.

I think I have regained the focus that I lost earlier in the week. I already got a little work done, checked on my Facebook friends and am blogging. So, I think I will work on my manuscript (I recently found out that this is the proper word for a work of writing in progress) for a while and then get ready for the weekend. So, I plan to check back in over the next couple of days. Hopefully, I will have a good story to tell like I posted on my fan page last night. How do you spell asterisk? A-S-S-T-E-R-I-X For the love of God. Until then, keep dreaming and stay tuned....

P.S. You must go check out Super Earthling's latest blog!

I can't focus!!!!

The only thing I can figure is that I finally have too much going on. I have twelve tabs open in my Internet Explorer. I am working the Fan page and studying life insurance and checking on the class for my MBA and I have a window open with my manuscript. I think it would be best for me to just concentrate on one thing for a specified amount of time. So, I will write here and then regroup.

It would probably be easier to concentrate if there wasn't a freaking weed eater blaring at the window! For the love....

Okay. I'm going to go get another cup of coffee. Let's remember Corey Haim today. I have a couple of things to soap box real quick. Thing one...who watches out for the kids that find themselves in a celebrity status? It think it is a travesty that these kids very rarely grow up to be well rounded adults with a good head on their shoulders. It seems so often that once the cute kid has worn out of their appearance, they are discarded. Thing two...why is it that it is newsworthy for days when a celeb dies but once the viewers presence is on to other newsworthy things, we forget that they had a life once, too. We forget that some where, there is someone that misses them every day.

Brain Cramp

Photo credit: here

Wow. I got experience rush hour traffic for the first time in two months today. I will tell you this, I have NOT missed it. The commute there really wasn't too bad. I made the 47 mile drive in about 50 minutes with no stop and go. The drive home? Completely different story. Some old dude blew up his car on the shoulder of the road at my 25 minute mark. I had 40 minutes to get Little Mister picked up and made it about 10 minutes late.

I am in training for the Financial Professional Associate position at Prudential. It is both exhilarating and tiring. It has been so long since I have been aptly challenged that it is fun but my poor little brain is bombarded with information! I am feeling really confident that his is a great opportunity and I am going to make a career of it.

I am aspiring to get more writing done tonight. Since I awoke with a start yesterday evening, I whipped out a few thousand words and plan to match that again tonight! I hope everyone had a fabulous and personally productive day!

In conclusion, let us remember our missed celebrity of the day, Patrick Swayze (and Jennifer Grey's nose).

Most missed celebs...

I need to get dressed and out the door soonish, but I've decided to make a daily tribute (it will probably be weekly) to our most missed celebs. Today, in celebration of laundry discoveries on Monday, I vote this guy as the most missed. Who agrees?

Who am I?

I did attempt to sum myself up in the bio thing on Google or blogspot.com or where ever I last posted about myself, but I doubt I got everything down there so I am taking some inspiration from You Know It Happens At Your House Too. I'm really trying to think of 15 things about myself. Well, here it goes.

1. I have always wanted to write.
I have wanted to write since I was really young. It was one of those dreamy things I thought of back in the day of pouring through book after book by Judy Blume. Are you there God, it's me Margaret was one of my all-time favorite faves. Anyway. I am writing my first book now and think it will be a great one! Even if it turns out that my friends are the only people that ever read it, I will have a published book. Check that off my whatever list.

2. I dropped out of high school.
Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Just seems kind of interesting. I was in the honors program which I later realized was just a trick that They did to kids to get them in harder classes to graduate. I would have been fine and would have graduated with no problem but my rebellious nature wouldn't allow for it. I had 2.5 credits to go and would have graduated a year early. I couldn't take it anymore so I made my parents unenroll me. I immediately got my G.E.D. and started college.

3. The first boy I kissed was named Clark.
I have been boy crazy since I could think. The first boy I kissed, named Clark, was in Mother's Day Out so that made me four. Luckily, when he and his mom stopped me and my Mom at the grocery store, he told my Mom he was going to marry me. Once he said that, I never spoke to him again. Funny how that attitude stuck with me the rest of my life....

4. I have only lost one person close to my heart.
I know I will be devastated when I experience this again. I lost my great-grandmother when I was five and have been blessed not to endure the pain of losing anyone else since. I have no idea how that happened.

5. I love pedicures.
I know, what woman doesn't love having her feet f***ed? Ever since I got over the fact that my toes are weird, I have loved to get pedicures. You see, when I was in 4th grade a friend's little brother gave me a huge complex over my toes. I went many years without allowing my feet to be seen. Overcoming that complex was a pretty big deal to me.

6. I am known as a quitter.
I know I have mentioned this in previous blogs, but it is very relevant to who I am. I spent a lot time quitting things....school, relationships, jobs, cities, etc. I decided, once and for all, that I would no longer fall victim to this train of thought. I mean, I couldn't just quit being a mom and that has felt good. I do allow myself breaks from everything now but I pick back up and get back to it now instead of just quitting and never looking back.

7. The weather scares me.
Yes, it doesn't really matter where I am or who I am with. I have not experienced a hurricane but last spring's super hail storm at my Mom's house certainly felt equivalent. I am certain that we all suffered an undiagnosed case of PT SD following that storm. Thunderstorms are not my friend. I have respect but no like.

8. I was born in Colorado.
Everyone has always known me as nomadic but it isn't my fault. My parents moved off to Denver when they were young hippies. That's where I was born. We lived there for a couple of years then my life of moving started with a 15 year pause. It went something like this...Denver; Duncan, OK; Garland, TX; then three different houses in Dallas. The third one was for the balance of my childhood starting when I was 5. I won't even get into to the gypsy life style that I have been a part of since I moved out at 16ish.

9. I am left handed.
Totally unimportant, right? I have always been proud of writing with the "wrong" hand. Its just right in line with my rebellious nature. What's funny is that I am left handed as is Little Mister's father. L.M. is completely right handed. I guess that hand didn't carry the dominant gene.

10. I really do love being a mom.
Yes, little dude can get on ma nerves. I'm not afraid to say that. He only recently started irritating with his continued arguing with me about things that I KNOW as fact. I know where he gets this over confident nature. Between his father and myself, the poor child never had a chance in hell of being quiet and demure nor of not being opinionated. Anyway. He is the most angelic, well mannered child most of the time. He saves all his "bad" behavior for his mom. That's okay. I love him more than anything and wouldn't trade him in for anything. Well, that would just depend on what was at stake. I kid.

11. I want to be married.
Some day. I don't know when the "right" time will be but it would be nice to happen some time. I'm a pain in the ass and impossible to keep focused. It takes someone very special to handle me. The man that has put up with my shit the longest is still currently a part of my life, when I will let him. I'm already starting to go grey so as I get older, I guess we get closer.

12. I have dumb luck.
I choose to look at this positively. Things happen to me that just don't happen to other people. I think I will save the details of this for another blogging event.

13. I love donuts.
The most useless piece of pastry there is and I love them. I judge a good donut shop based on the quality of the donut holes. I can tell which ones are fried in the same kind of oil as the lunch time won tons. I can tell if they are fried in vegetable oil or if they are in the frier too long. If the shop doesn't pass the hole test, I give them a second chance based on the quality of the chocolate glaze.

14. Hair spray is my friend.
I have been told that I have to be the only person left alive that uses aerosol hair spray. Well, obviously not or it wouldn't be sold in the store. I have to have hair spray; needed it since the days of Aqua Net and Rave and don't plan on ever giving it up. When the whole CFC thing came about, I tried one pump hairspray. Screw that. If I wanted my style to be damp, I would just put my head under the sink. I immediately tossed the pump and bought another bottle of Aqua Net. I don't know if the same particles are still involved and I decided my hair couldn't afford to care.

15. I only use black hangers.
I am OCD about the oddest things. One day when I was putting up laundry, I noticed that none of my clothes hung the same and that there was a variety of wire, plastic and store hangers in my closet. I promptly yanked all the clothes down and through all of the mismatch hangers in the dumpster. I went to Wal-Mart and bought several hundred black, plastic hangers. The habit was set from there.

Well, there are some little known facts about me. Again, I thank You Know It Happens At Your House Too for the inspiration and motivation. I spend enough time self-reflecting that I feel comfortable being who I am. Now you know a little more about me, too.

Stay tuned....

How now, brown cow?

Photo from InfoBarrel

It came from all directions yesterday. The particles of non-energy in my atmosphere were abounding. I had no inspiration for anything!

I sat down to blog....stared at the blank page. I decided to work on the ghastly paper for Global Financial Management; managed to get the introduction done and stared at the rest of the blank pages. I thought, "Well, maybe I can work on my book." Boo. Nothin. Nada.

As you can see, I have started a new day with new inspiration. I feel good about this day and what I can accomplish. I thank Not-so-plain Jane for making mention of What Inside Voice? on her fan page. That was nice to wake up to. I actually feel like my fingers work again. Time to transfer thoughts to the page.

On another note, I went with a dear friend to the DARA conference yesterday. It was super informative. I wish someone would tell me what genre I am writing this book for. I still don't know where, exactly, it fits in. Lorraine Heath was the guest speaker. It was totally worth the gas to drive to Richardson for all the knowledge that she shared.

Okay. Well, I am going to take advantage of these words flowing and get the stupid paper done. Y'all take care and stay tuned....