Is it all coming together?

That. Right there. Yes, that picture. That is how the inside of my head feels right now. I am trying, desperately, to maintain focus. "Eye on the prize..."

See? I find this terribly difficult right now because I feel like I'm running three different races at the same freakin' time. Last I checked, we still had not perfected cloning so I don't see how that is possible. I am exhausted. I've tried to back up and regroup to slow things down a little but the effort is futile. No matter what I do, I am still pulling myself in a million directions and am working with the end in mind for each endeavor. So, I'm just trying to concentrate on what is done and what the next step for each is.

Big news...I got the cover art for the book in this morning! The book is no longer just a thought or a dream. It. Is. Real. Advertisement will start in July and it will be released in October. Holy shit. Yeah.

Met with my manager today on the other deal. I will be a fully employed and licensed financial advisor by June. Holy shit, again.

The other school situation is still on-going. Still on course to have an MBA in July of 2013.

My Facebook fan page is creeping up on 3,000 people. That's really cool, too. Go see it... www.facebook.com/whatinsidevoice


Well, those are quick updates on what is going on with me. I'm here to remind you that perseverance is key. Keep dreaming. It can come true! Stay tuned....

CHEESE!

Hahaha...THE END.

Just kidding.

Yes, that is me. I had laser teeth whitening for the first time today. It seemed to do some good. I just thought that the picture perfect moment before we began was too awesome to pass up.

I went to Smiling Bright in Fort Worth, TX. I have wanted to do this but didn't really want to fork out the cash to pay for it. I found a deal on Living Social and couldn't pass it up. When I Googled the company name, it appears that there are still good deals out there. I've heard some people to be wary if you have sensitive teeth. I guess I don't because there has been no pain. My smile is about six shades whiter than when the process began this afternoon. I was so impressed that I made a second appointment two weeks from now. One fan said that I needed to be careful because my teeth might get darker after they rehydrate. I will report on what happens between now and my second visit.

So, what else have I been up to while neglecting my blog. Gosh. I've been really busy!! I know, we all are. I've been trying to stay caught up on this new career I am trying to embark on. Littly, tiny roadblocks keep popping up, but I will navigate around them! Now, if I could just get my brain unscrambled to get organized, I would be 100% better off.

I've been writing some. I am less than 9,000 words away from hitting my goal of 50K. Just need to get it done.... I'M WORKING ON IT! : )

My other school is kicking my butt, too. Halfway through this class.

You know who I've been thinking about lately? Heath Ledger. I miss his face on the big screen. Here is my favorite look for him.

My little home has been a source of neglect lately, too. So, I have to run and get some laundry done. Don't forget to keep dreaming. Success is found OUTSIDE of the comfort zone. Stay tuned.....

Most missed sporting venue

Do you guys know what that place is? That was Texas Stadium. I can't believe it has been two years since it was "removed" from existence. I know the picture is kind of bad but it means something to me. That huge building was a mainstay, a landmark. I couldn't tell you how many times directions started with, "Go East when you get to Texas Stadium." You could see it from all of the surrounding highways. It was a piece of DFW history. At least for me it was. In Dallas, all building demolitions take place at the crack of dawn, 6 a.m. to be exact, on Sundays. The demolition of Texas Stadium was a big damn deal. People that had homes or office buildings in view of the stadium threw parties that started at 5 a.m. It was like nothing I've ever done at that ungodly hour of a Sunday morning!

So, a big group of us convened at a subcontractor's office for Screwdrivers, Bloody Mary's and breakfast pastries to await the big moment. It was pretty exciting. I had never seen dynamite blasts before!

Since Kraft sponsored the entire event or paid for the demo, I don't know which way it went, the orange fireworks started right as the sun was beginning to crest the horizon. You know, that magical moment between dark and light. It was beautiful.

After about ten minutes of fireworks and the suns actual rising, the preparations were made for taking the building down. As the fireworks ended, people for miles and miles began to cheer. All was quiet and then there was this weird "boom, boom, boom" in the background. It was a blast but it was like a warning that the blast was coming. Then, there was an incredible explosion. The ground shook. The first section of the stadium started to crumble.

I had no idea that I would be such a girl. All the events that I had been to, all the concerts, all the championship football games and Cowboy games. All the nostalgia that I felt for ole girl came pouring out of me. I had absolutely no idea that I had such a stupid attachment to that place. I remembered times with friends, times with family, Leon Lett and the snow storm fiasco on Thanksgiving. So many memories that I never thought I thought about until the stadium came down.

I suppose I could have looked at as a "glass half full" kind of event but as I get older, I am less accepting of change. Keep my landmarks and monuments of nostalgia where they belong.

And like that, the place was gone. Nothing more than a dusty hole in the ground with a few remaining pieces that were stubborn enough not to fall with the dynamite.

I drive by where Texas Stadium used to be and no one would ever know. The legacy of the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Stadium will be completely lost once my generation is gone. That's so sad to me. Texas is the state that is built by football. Ask anyone. We teach our boys about football starting at the earliest age because they will be expected to play. I have always thought it was kind of weird but, apparently, I haven't been exempt from the feeling. I was in Dallas the other day and thought that the anniversary of her death had to be close and I was right. So, I salute you ole girl. There will never be another Texas Stadium.

Liebster Blog Award Nomination

Wow! I am flattered and surprised! Overworked Supermom and I recently became aquainted through blogging and Facebook. I am honored by this nomination. She and I have Texas in common. Even if it is a BIG state, being residents automatically creates a synergy between us. So, I thank her for her nomination. Really.

I am still so new to all of this, I hardly know where to begin! <catches breath> So, I do have five fellow bloggers that I would like to recognize. Ah, it is hard to narrow it down to just five. There are so many talented, kind and funny ladies out there! Okay, okay. Here are my five.

1. You Know It Happens at Your House Too
I met her on Facebook. She was the first to take me under her wing and show me what pimpin is all about. LOL. She is a hoot. I admire her life with Farmer Bob and the children. I admire her devout love for Johnny Depp, too. She takes care of her own and manages to find enough compassion to care for us "newbies" out there, too. She's hilarious.

2. Erin Michael Silversmith/Visual Artist
I have known Erin for quite a while...some where in the neighborhood of ten years. I ventured out with her during a mass exodus at a previous employer. I took the easy way and went and got myself another J-O-B. Erin has kept on with her pursuits and has achieved some noteable success. She recently made earrings for Drew Barrymore via The Artisan Group. She has been a huge motivator for me to write and I think she is proud now.

3. Megans Munchies
Now, Megan and I go way, way back. Like back to the plaid skirt days. Meaning we went to Catholic School together a million years ago. We have been in and out of contact the last several years and our life paths are finally colliding again. She bakes like no one I have ever known and still looks like a damned Barbie. She's the girl you just love; never hate. She is as sweet as the sprinkles on her cupcakes.

4. The Illiterate Literarian
She and I go back to the times of high school. You know, when life was REALLY hard. LOL. I guess in retrospect, we have both realized that the era where we met was the beginning of the adult lives we would soon embark on. She and I started chatting on Facebook a few weeks ago...make the long story short, we both are writing books. She is WAY ahead of me but she is the inspiration for my song actually being sung. Had it not been for that conversation one Thursday afternoon via Facebook IM, I might not ever started writing eventhough Erin (and others) have been telling me to for a decade.

5. Frugalista Blog
She and I have just met like days ago. She is funny. I love her stuff. She has the same sense of humor I do. I can't wait to keep up with her and get to know her better. How can you not love someone that considers themselves "cliche and unexpected at the same time." I really want to see her driving her minivan with big Jackie O sunglasses on.

Now that I feel all sentimental and appreciated and noticed, I will pass on the nominations to ladies I love and ladies I am growing to love more every day!



How the Liebster Blog Award works:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.

2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.

3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.

4. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 lesser-known blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and give a little blurb about why you chose each blog.

5. Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

Try, try, try again!

Well, today marks my first failure in quite some time. I had to score 70% and
i made 68%. Yes, a very colorful string of magnificent curse words followed the discovery that I did not pass the licensing exam today. I have to tell you this, I have never, I mean ever had to really study. I studied my ass off and took practice test after practice test. Over the span of the last week, I have lived, breathed and ate this material. I know I don't "know" it but I thought surely I know enough to pass the effin test! I consistently scored barely passing on the practice tests last night. Alas, with way too little sleep, I did not, in fact, pass the test. I'm going to spend some time coming up with a new strategy with the trainer tomorrow but I know what I need to do. I just need to study some more. I'll probably take the test again in a couple of weeks and pass but for today, I'm pissed and just want to be mad.

While I am busy being mad, I have come up with an easy list of things that lead to success.

1. Do not give up!
Those that know me know that in the light of failing a test, I usually would throw in the towel and give up. Not this time. I have too much time and energy invested in this to give up. It will just take a little more time and a little more energy and I will be where I need to be. So, don't forget that. The only way to have success is to not give up!

2. Stay positive
Everyone knows this but it is hard to be positive when you feel like you've just had the wind knocked out of you. Am I right? My head is pounding and my brain is completely saturated. I'm going to relax the rest of the day and get back up tomorrow.

3. Laugh
I am finding that this list is actually an action plan and laughing follows the other two. I plan to make a lot of fun of myself to get to the next point. I am kind of limited with the jokes here on the blog but I am constantly posting new jokes and have tons of hilarious friends over on my Facebook fan page. If you haven't already been there, come on over to my place. I'll introduce you and we can share some margaritas.

www.facebook.com/whatinsidevoice.com

4. Stay Organized

This is actually important in every facet of life. It's so funny how often I will get to feeling overwhelmed with everything I want to do and everything I HAVE to do in a day's time. I did buy myself a planner to keep track of the time in a day. It has helped tremendously. I've even penciled in time for a nap every day. It is amazing how things just seem so out of control but when you write it down, and see what the day is, it really in manageable!

5. Keep learning

After the experience of the last couple of weeks, I have discovered that it is possible to teach an older dog new tricks. I have spent the last five years in school to refine a skill set that I already have. The stuff I am working on now is so new and foreign that I feel like I am in 8th grade learning about anatomy for the first time again. It is crazy to me that the English language can sound so different and words have such different meanings that it is like learning a completely new language entering a new industry. I advise that you don't let that get in the way. You can learn something new. I am finding myself starting to apply stuff that I've been learning in every day conversation. I had just decided (prior to now) that it wasn't possible for my brain to retain anything completely new. i was wrong.

Well, this writing event was good for me. I needed to see in black and white what my attitude needs to be to achieve the success I am striving for. The first steps are all in place and it is up to me to get to the next level. I'm going to dig my heels in and cross that finish line. So, I'll be in touch. Stay tuned....

Why can't you see me? (A mediocre poem)

Photo credit here

Why can't you see me
as I cry?

Why can't you see me
with no one to stand by?

Why can't you see me
when I try to find my way?

Why can't you see me
make it through the day?

I struggle on my own with getting older.
I try and try to make believe I have grown bolder.

I weep into my pillow or don't sleep at all.
So afraid that this fragile empire will fall.

I fear the unknown but take leaps of faith.
What else is life if you just sit and wait?

My house is made with shards of glass
one wrong move and I'm going to lose my ass.

I see new lines on my face
Grey hairs cropping up all over the place.

Why can't you see me
my intentions are real?

Why can't you see me
my heart has always been there to steal?

Why can't you see me
I try to push you away?

Why can't you see me
unpredictable enthusiasm in every way?

I make decisions sometimes in haste.
Life is for living not to go to waste.

We all make mistakes, that is for sure.
I swear on everything, my heart is pure.

I want to trust and be trusted in return.
The bad thoughts and memories continue to churn.

My mind is full of voices
they all give different choices.

Why can't you see me sitting here all alone?

Stormy Spring in Texas

That's nice. I had this whole page almost filled but, somehow, deleted everything. Fantastic.

So, today was pretty crazy, right? I didn't even know that there were storms in the forecast. Thankfully, I already had rainy day hair. Due to the persistent light drizzle this morning, I decided to fore go styling the mountain of frizz on the top of my head. I just had a big "meh" moment and went on with life.

As the lunch hour came to an end and people were returning, I hear a female voice say, "Yeah. I heard a tornado touched down in Cleburne. Like, Johnson County?" Dear God! I jumped up from my seat, stammering, "That's where my son is!" I call his little school and spoke with a fairly calm but nervous sounding young lady. I told her who I was and asked if everything was okay. The response I got was a little disconcerting. "Yep. We are taking cover again. We will have to call you back." I could hear in the tone of her voice she was just trying not to alarm any of the kids but she definitely sounded scared. I hung up the phone and just wondered what in the world I could do over an hour away... This is one of the reasons that I never want to be that far from him during the day. I mean, I know there really wasn't anything I could do but if I had been there, I could have hugged and soothed him. Well, the soothing would have been more for me than him. You get what I'm saying. See, storms and I have a long history and I am scared to death of the weather. As a child, I got to ride in the car trying to outrun a tornado, we had several tornadic storms when I was in elementary school. I almost drowned in my car following a torrential down pour. The snow collapsed a car port on top of my car and last year my family and I lived through the worst "hail" storm I have ever been around. It sounded like a freaking freight train was trying to come through the roof. I just don't trust that witch, Mother Nature. The unpredictability of the storms we have here is just too much for me. From early March through the entire summer, I am a bundle of nerves. So, my point now is this: we all need to keep the residents of North Texas in our thoughts and prayers. I refused to pay attention to the news once I confirmed that all was well with my boy. Watching the news when I got home, I discovered that Dallas, Lancaster, Arlington, Forney and several other counties experienced loss and/or injury. It makes me sad and I know that none of us are immune. Oh, how I hate the Texas storms.